Calculating You Gasoline Bill...Is it far off?

As most everyone else, I was shocked and awed when I opened my January Columbia Gas bill and discovered that it was over $100 more then what my December bill was. How could this be I asked myself? January was unseasonably warm, I only lived at home for half the month, and I had my furnace turned way down to the point where I was wearing my jacket inside. Then I seen "the" word....CALCULATED. I immediately ran down to my basement to compare my meter reading to that listed on my bill. Whoa....Something not right here. After discussions with CG, It was explained to me that the calculations were based on what was reasonably expected use for the time of year and past usage from the previous time period last year. Well I got the adjustments to my bill after a long struggle but it got me to thinking, What if the Gas Stations used this same method of calculation for the amount of gas you used in your car?

(just a story)
Driving down the road while trying to avoid the potholes which would surely send me straight to Hell if ever I was unfortunate enough to fall into one, I heard that sound that makes me cringe every time. The "DING" of my low fuel alarm.

As I retrieved my wallet I noticed that it was looking a little slim. (No wonder it felt more comfortable in my back pocket.) I had just paid my Columbia Gas bill and found that I only had a single $20.00 bill left in it. While not enough to fill my tank I knew that $20.00 would give me almost 10 gallons of gas. That surely would be enough to make it back and forth to work through the rest of the week till payday.

Confidently I pulled up to the pump, removed the nozzle and attempted to dispense $20.00 worth of gasoline into my tank. Then another one of those annoying noises rang through my brain. "Pump #3, You have to pay first before pumping" coming through the loud speaker sounding like the WHA...WHA...WHA...WHA ...WHA from the Charlie Brown Christmas Special.

Begrudgingly I treaded my way inside hoping to slip the clerk a $20.00 bill and be on my way.
"I'll take 20 on #3" I told her.
"Ok sir, that will be $30.00" she replied
Thinking she misunderstood me, I gave her the $20 bill and reaffirmed that I only wanted $20.00 worth of gasoline.
"ok sir, I understand but you still owe me $10.00 more dollars" as she pointed to a sign posted next to the register.
There in bold red letters I read...

Effective immediately all gas purchases will be Calculated. We feel that if the Public Utilities can make windfall profits on this method of payment, why shouldn't we!

Needles to say I was furious. I asked the clerk how they were able to calculate my gasoline bill when I could simply read her the pump total for what I actually owed. Looking like an IRS audit agent with her pen stuffed behind her ear, she took out her calculator and started punching numbers feverishly.

"A 2000 model SUV with a v-8 motor averaging 13 mpg...
x 28 days of February weather when there is snow in the forecast...
x the number of days my vehicle may be engaged in 4 wheel drive...
x 62 Jack-rabbit-starts due to the aggressive nature of the American Male...
plus a fuel surcharge for the paper towels I used to clean my windows...

Equals $40.00" she said. "But your in luck today because we are offering an instant $10.00 rebate. That brings your calculated bill down to only $30.00" she said with a smile that was more like a "what a sucker" grin then a display of courtesy.
"Not to worry" she explained. "We will notate your actual mileage and compare it to your mileage when you stop back in sometime in March" If our calculations are wrong we will gladly issue a credit towards your next fuel purchase"

Being that I was already late, had no time to argue, and a car that was running on fumes, I handed her my credit card which she charged $30.00 against and set the pump to dispense exactly $20.00 worth of gasoline.

Damn, I thought to myself as I made my way out of the station. I wonder if I could charge my employer "Calculated" wages for the upcoming week based upon the amount of work that I think I will do. Nah...He would re-calculate and determine that the work I performed was only worth 75% of my current salary, but not to worry...If I put in OT they would give me a wage credit on my next paycheck. Swerving to miss one of those potholes I wonder if the City miscalculated on the number of potholes the average winter causes on our local streets.